Putting It All Out There

I am going to be totally vulnerable in this post and let you in on the ways of my sometimes crazy mind.

In about a month and a half I am going to be leaving this 'sheltered' and cozy life of mine for a land unknown to me...Nicaragua. Okay, so that sounds a little dramatic since I'm only going to be gone for a week, but hello, it is a third world country! I'm going there on a mission trip as part of an 11 member team going from my church. Shandon (the church I attend) has partnered with Chosen Children Ministries and several teams/people from Shandon go down throughout the year to help out.

Nicaragua is the second poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere (second only to Haiti). Nearly half of the population lives on less than $2 a day, and even many of those that are fortunate enough to have work make less than $5 a day. Can you imagine living on less than $60...for a WHOLE MONTH!? From CCM's website, "one-third of the children suffer from severe malnutrition and other chronic health problems. It is CCM’s desire to meet some of these physical needs while at the same time addressing the spiritual needs of the people in Nicaragua with the Gospel."

Now for the part where I let you in to my brain...Lately, I have been in freak-out mode. I did not want to go at all anymore. I was very strongly considering backing out. Before I list my reasons why, I want you all to know while these all may sound ridiculous and irrational to you, they weren't to me. Okay, well some may have been slightly irrational. I guess I should also say that I still have some of these concerns...
-I am afraid I'm going to get Dengue Fever from an infected mosquito.
-I am afraid a natural disaster is going to happen while I'm there.
-I'm scared I may die there.
-I'm worried about the whole it being a 3rd world country thing.
-I'm worried about the heat and humidity.
-I'm worried about the toilet situation and not having hot water.
-I'm worried that since it's going to be the rainy season, there is going to be a flood and I am going to be in it (one of my biggest fears).
-I'm scared something may happen to me, and I won't get adequate medical care.

Crazy, I know. Selfish, I know. However, I have had a change of heart. Yesterday, Shandon held a commissioning service during both church services to pray over all the people going on short-term mission trips. I'm not going to lie, I was a little weirded out by the fact that there would be someone laying their hand on me while the prayer was happening, but it turned out to be a lot better than I thought it would be. After the prayer was over, a man behind me looked me and a couple other people in the eyes and said, "God bless you so much for going and helping." I don't even know him, but he was so genuine and sincere and his words really hit my heart. Then we were singing a song and these words just stood out to me and got me a little choked up. It was like a flashing light from God, and it was just the flashing light I needed.
"I will live
To carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet

I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name"

Shewww, even just rereading the words got to me!

Also, we had our first big meeting about the trip yesterday, a man spoke to us who has been there 5 times before. Hearing his first hand stories about these children we are going to be with, just continued chipping away at this hardened exterior I put around my heart. 

I am so thankful that my heart has been softened. I am back to feeling excited about this adventure, I'm sure I'm going to feel scared/worried again, but I know it WILL pass.