Get A Room

Dear Man and Woman who usually sit in front of me in church,

I am so happy that the two of you have so much passion that it makes it difficult to contain yourself, and I am so glad that you find each other so irresistible that you can't keep your hands off of each other...in church. 
However, I along with others I'm sure, would really appreciate it if you could save some of that heated passion and desire for places other than in church. It is very distracting and quite frankly, it's disrespectful. Trust me, I've tried diverting my eyes, but your lovefest is in my line of vision looking up to the stage. I've tried switching locations, but I get there before you and somehow you two find me and sit in front of me every time. So please spare me from having to endure watching the two of you love on each other like you are the only ones in the room. I know this would probably be difficult for you, but did you ever think about just settling for one of you putting your arm around the other? I know that's probably not enough physical contact for you, but you should try it out and see how it feels. 


Sorry for the inconvenience this probably causes you,
Laura

To Lean or Not To Lean

As I get ready to fly home for Christmas (insert enthusiasm here!), I am reminded of a certain theory I hold about those who fly. If you have traveled with me or even been near or spoken with me shortly before or after I fly, you have probably already heard it. 
I believe there are two kinds of people who fly...those who lean their seat back and those who don't. 

I am a proud member of the "those who don't" group. I just figure that flights are already cramped as it is, so why make it even more miserable for the person behind you. I'm a pretty short girl (a quarter of an inch shy of being 5'2), and I cannot imagine what it would be like to be tall and on an airplane.

One particular incident sticks out in my mind as to what made me become so anti leaning your seat back. About 6 years ago (I was 17), I was on a 7/8 hour flight coming back from Europe, and the lady in front of me, while I was eating my meal no less, leaned her seat back shortly into the flight almost causing my drink to spill all over my food and me. After I finished my meal I did my share of courteous traveling no-nos...aka pushing my knees into the back of her seat intermittently. Hey, I told you I was 17, can I pull the "I didn't know any better card"? So the lady's daughter fought her battle for her and turned around and asked me to stop pushing my knees into her mom's seat; I then asked her to ask her mom if she could not lean her seat back all the way. My excuses were that I was tall (which was a lie) and I had a jelly fish sting on my leg that made it cramp up (which was true btw). The lady's excuses were that her legs were getting stiff. Well anyway, to make a long story short, that was the longest 7/8 hour battle I have ever fought with a complete stranger. We both were stubborn and neither of us was willing to accommodate to the other. Oh and since I had lied and told them I was tall, I had to wait until they got off the plane before standing up. 

Back to my theory now that you have some background info. I guess I should throw a disclaimer out there and say that I'm not trying to insult you depending on which category you fall into. It is just some assumptions I have theorized about. 
I feel that people who lean their seats back are very self-centered. They only care about making themselves more comfortable even at the expense of making someone else more UNcomfortable. I also feel that they are rude. I like to put down my tray table, lay my head down on it, and take a little nap sometimes. I really don't appreciate it when I am minding my own business off in dream land, and I get woke up by someone's chair getting leaned back putting pressure on my head. When that person in front of you puts their seat back, you might as well say good-bye to any plans you had ]involving that tray table. Say good-bye to using your laptop, reading becomes difficult for me sometimes because the reclined seat blocks my lighting, napping like I already mentioned, and sometimes eating your pretzels and drinking your complimentary beverage (if your airline has not already taken that away)...it all becomes uncomfortable, difficult, and sometimes impossible once that seat goes back.

Now there are some exceptions. For instance, if you lean your seat back and no one is behind you...the assumptions don't apply to you. Or if you turn around and politely ask the person behind you if he or she would mind if you leaned your seat back...the assumptions don't apply to you either. In fact, if every person that has sat in front of me who reclined their seat turned around and politely asked...I would probably have a completely different attitude about this whole theory. 


Now for those of you like myself who don't recline their seat...we are ones who put others before ourselves. We make sure everyone else is taken care of before attending to our own needs. We are polite and considerate of others. Maybe that is just how we are, or maybe we know what it feels like to have that seat invade our personal space, and just choose not to put someone else through that.


So next time you are on an airplane, take a second or two and think before pushing that button to recline your seat. Or even thank the person sitting in front of you for not making your flight uncomfortable or miserable.

These Past 9 Years Have Gone By So Fast

Today, my oldest nephew turns 9...HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL!!!!! He had his family party over the weekend and today he's having 9 of his friends come over (with him and Joseph it makes 11) to play football and eat home-made pizza. What a handful, good luck Kathy! Michael and Joseph (one of my other nephews) have been diligently working on their playbook for the big game today!

Here are Joseph and Michael, the team captains/coaches of the day!

I've been feeling homesick lately, and missing out on celebrating Michael's birthday certainly doesn't help. I did get to talk to the birthday boy last night, and it sounds like he's been having a great few days of birthday-ness. I just can't believe my sweet nephew is 9 years old already! I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room anxiously waiting to meet him. I've watched him grow up before my eyes, and I can't wait to see what his future brings for him. So here's some pictures of Michael over the past 9 years...

Precious Michael, my brother, and sister-in-law

Michael and I before my 8th grade graduation, May of 2001

Kisses from Michael 4 years ago...look at little Charity in the bottom right corner!

Michael on St. Patty's day 2007 riding the train into Chicago

Michael is probably the BIGGEST Bears fan that I know. It amazes me all of the statistics he knows about them and his undying enthusiasm! He is definitely a football fanatic!!

This was taken near the end of 2007, beginning of 2008. Michael grew his hair out because he wanted to be like the Jo Bros (aka Jonas Brothers) I believe. This is one of my favorite pictures of us.

This picture was taken this past summer, when the whole family went to an Indians game.

Freedom

In Sunday School, we have been doing a 6 week study on the book of Hosea called "The Greatest Love Story Ever." The focus is on the heart wrenching love story of Hosea and Gomer (which is symbolic for God's undying love for Isreal). Here's a little background for those unfamiliar with the story: God told Hosea "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness." Gomer bore Hosea 3 children, and then leaves them and continues on as an adulteress and acting in prostitution. Then God tells Hosea, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Isrealites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes." So Hosea goes and buys Gomer out of slavery for 15 shekels of silver and about 10 bushels of barley.

First of all, I cannot imagine marrying someone, whom I was told WILL be unfaithful to me, let alone going and buying them from slavery knowing of the awful things the person did. Hosea wasn't even sure if their children were his. Yet the more Gomer went out on him, the more Hosea loved her; He gave her everything, most of which she did not deserve.

This week we focused on how Hosea bought Gomer from slavery, and how God bought our freedom through His son, Jesus. God's unfailing love gives us FREEDOM. The world's definition of freedom is the absence of restraint or repression; independent; not subject to some authority or obligation; choosing for oneself; not confined. But through God, freedom is living the way you were designed to live...living in fellowship and relationship with God. Captivity is anything that hinders the abundant spirit filled life God planned for me. In this world, we are held captive to so many things, men, women, alcohol, drugs, sex, and the list could go on and on. The irony is that you'd think freedom wouldn't have boundaries, but His boundaries all you the most freedom and are there to protect you.
I just got so much out of this lesson, and a huge part of that is due to Amy, my teacher. She is so passionate and energetic about what she teaches us. She has opened my eyes to a new perspective on the story of Hosea and Gomer, and it's safe to say that their story is now probably one of my favorites from the Bible.

In, as we like to call it, "big church" Dr. Lincoln preached about the gift of Grace. He talked about how grace is a free gift from God, and don't we all love free things! This gift is something we cannot pay God back for, we must simply accept it. This part of the sermon really stuck out to me, "No matter how much I want to give a gift, unless the person wants to receive it, it won't matter or make a difference." You can be so excited about the "perfect gift" you find for someone, but if he/she doesn't want it, there really is no reason for the gift anymore. This concept can be applied to so many different things in life.
Receiving comes first; God intends for you to live life as if it were a gift.
Before we went into our last song, Dr. Lincoln told us that if there was anything burdening us or needing God's grace to ask, "God put your grace on this fear of mine." He told us we could just stay where we were or go up to the altar, whichever we felt comfortable with. During the song, I looked around and saw so many sitting down with their heads down in prayer. That moment, along with the song we were singing, touched me so much.

To sum it up, the main theme of the day yesterday was God's grace and unfailing love and secondly Shandon. I absolutely 100% love this church. I have been going there for about 2.5-3 months now, and it has already had such a huge impact on my life.

That Time of Year

So for the past few months I've really been working on changing my attitude and the way I view things. I figured, hey I'm in a new place so why don't I work on a new me? I wouldn't call my former self a pessimist, but I certainly was no optimist! In fact, I would get annoyed when people would say "At least..." or "Look on the bright side..." or "There are people worse off..." But it's all true. I just wanted to feel like my problems were, for that moment, the worst. I wanted to be able to gripe and complain about how bad off it is for me, and basically have my own little pity party. Let's face it, I'm not a 100% changed woman, but I can honestly say [working on] changing my attitude has been one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. I've stopped looking at all of the burdens in my life and started looking at the blessings. It's not always easy, and some days my blessing is just being able to get out of bed in the morning but it has made my life so much better.

One of the areas I'm really working on is my attitude about the holidays. Ever since my mom died, I have hated them. Before she died, I loved holidays; I loved decorating the 3 Christmas trees we put up in our house and decorating and cooking the food for all the other holidays. I guess I started hating the holidays because it was just another reminder that she wasn't there, and it was just too painful. This holiday season has an added tough factor; it's the first set of holidays without my grandma.

Well me and my new attitude have really got to thinking, and we decided that this negative nancy/scrooge attitude is something my mom would not want for me. In a deeper sense, this is not what God wants for me. Instead of focusing on how much the holidays are going to suck without them here, I'm focusing on the blessings. There are the obvious blessings I get from being a Christian, and the blessings that I sometimes take for granted such as having food to be able to put on the table and a warm roof over my head.

I didn't get to be with my biological family for Thanksgiving (which was hard and didn't help my growing homesickness) but one of my best friends who is pretty much another sister to me came down so I wouldn't have to be alone. We didn't do anything special for Turkey Day really so I didn't get to really try out my new feelings toward the holidays. However, I am so ready to try them out this Christmas!!

Love is the Movement

Warning: the content of this blog post may be a bit heavy for some readers...

Tomorrow, November 13, 2009, is To Write Love On Her Arms day. If you are my Facebook friend, you probably already received an invite to this event; if not you can check it out here. This organization is so very near and dear to my heart. I won't go into too much detail about the organization, but I encourage you to check out their website if you would like more information. To Write Love On Her Arms day is a day where anyone can write the word LOVE on their arms, to support those who are fighting against depression and those who are trying to recover. On this day, just write love on your arm(s). Other people will ask why you have love written on your arms, and you tell them you are supporting To Write Love On Her Arms day, and how its benefiting a non profit organization helping stop depression, and making Love the Movement. It will achieve the goal of people knowing that there are other people out there with the same problem, and/or people who are supporting them with love.

Many of you don't know that I battled with Major Depression for about 6 years, from the time that I was 12 until about 18. During that time, I became a revolving door for many friends, attempted suicide several times and was hospitalized twice. I was also a cutter (self-mutilator) for about 3-4 years. I was so numb that cutting and seeing the blood became the only way for me to know that I was still in fact alive. There was so much going on in my life/world at that time and I didn't know how to deal with any of it. I did have some friends and family that were by my side every step of the way, but there were some that just didn't know what to do and gave up on me. I temporarily had given up on God because I felt he had given up on me. I generally don't tell many people about this part of me because of the shame, guilt, and hurt I felt and caused during that time in my life. Lately, I've been realizing that I can help others by sharing what I've been through. Because of my past is why I love this organization so much. Knowing that I wasn't alone and there were others like me is what helped me to recover. Those people that stuck by my side giving me unconditional love and support when I so desperately needed it, is what helped me to recover.

This organization helps to provide hope for the hopeless. Please, if you are able, write LOVE on your arm(s) tomorrow. Show support and love to those that are suffering, have suffered, or are on their way through recovery. A lot of times depression can be a secret and hidden illness, and you might never know if someone is suffering from it. The same goes for cutting and self-mutilating. I hid my cutting well for the most part, and when I didn't hide it so well, I was just looking for someone to notice me and my sadness. I was an honor roll student, involved in my church, involved in many student organizations, involved in dance and sports, and had many friends. A lot of people that find out about that secret, hidden part of my past are shocked; I constantly get, "but you seemed so happy." This is one reason why I'm sharing my story with you today, you don't always know when people are suffering, and sometimes they just need to be reminded that there is hope and they ARE loved.

Thanks for letting me share with you.

Food For Thought

If one throws salt at you, you will not be harmed unless you have sore places.
-Latin Proverb

So as many of you know, I'm in the Drug and Alcohol Addictions program, and for a paper I'm working on I had to attend an Al-Anon, AA, and NA meeting. I want to talk a little bit about what I got out of the Al-Anon meeting. Going into the meeting, I had no idea what to expect. I assumed it would be just like the AA meetings you see in movies. Well there were some similarities, but it was also very different. I'm not sure if any of you reading this are familiar with Al-Anon, or even care what Al-Anon is.
This is from their website: "For over 55 years, Al-Anon (Alateen for younger members) has been offering strength and hope for friends and families of problem drinkers. It is estimated that each alcoholic affects the lives of at least four other people...alcoholism is truly a family disease. No matter what relationship you have with an alcoholic, whether they are still drinking or not, all who have been affected by someone else's drinking can find solutions that lead to serenity in the Al-Anon/Alateen fellowship."

Al-Anon doesn't get as much attention as AA or even NA does, and I think that is unfortunate. While members are there because of the alcoholic(s), the focus is on themselves. So many friends and family members of alcoholics give and give, and their lives focus around the alcoholic, well Al-Anon helps to bring the focus back to the person who is affected by alcoholism.

Al-Anon does not advertise but I wish they did. This would have been so helpful a few years back when a lot of the most important people in my life were alcoholics, had I even known about Al-Anon. So many people in this world are affected by addiction, there is help even if you are not the addict. Sorry, I'm not trying to make this sound like an after-school special, but there are a lot of silent sufferers out there. You aren't alone.

Anyway, the quote that I put at the beginning of this post is from one of the readings we did during the meeting from the book Courage to Change. The quote really hit home with me. It is so true for me. I try to not let what people say/do get me down but some things (and some people) really just know where to "put the salt" so it hurts the most. This proverb really brought to my attention that as much as I'd like to say I don't, I really do still have (several in fact) sore spots. I'm hoping to use my new perspective I gained from reading that proverb to really identify my "sore spots" and work on making it so they are not sore spots anymore.

Welcome Back Veterans

I've recently been getting involved with this organization, Welcome Back Veterans. According to their website, this organization was created to inspire Americans to give back to our returning veterans and their families. In addition, Welcome Back Veterans is also dedicated to changing the way people think and talk about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which affects so many of our returning Veterans. They also are dedicated to providing ongoing treatment for veterans and their families and also to funding research.
If you go to the website on the right side of the page, you have the option to Share Your Thanks by writing (typing technically) a thank you note to a veteran returning home, Invite Friends to get involved, or Support Veterans by making a monetary donation which The McCormick Foundation has agreed to match $0.50 of every dollar donated. There is a lot more to this website, and I encourage you to check it out!

I think that we as Americans do not thank those in the military enough. This is a great and easy way to do so, or even if you know someone that has been in the military or is currently, just tell them you are thankful for what they are doing/have done. You may or may not support the past wars or the war we are in right now, but at the least, you can support our troops.

A Season For Visitors

I cannot believe it's almost November!!!! That just blows my mind! October has been one busy month. After I got back from Indiana, I had a lot of catching up to do from missing classes. I got about 90% caught up, just in time for my midterms. I was really scared because this was really my first round of exams in grad school...and can I just say that I kicked some major butt on those midterms?!? I got a 92% on one, 87% on one that was so hard I almost cried in the middle of it (no joke!), and a 97% on my last one. I must say, that was the best I've felt in a while; it just felt so good to do well even though I had a pretty stressful few weeks leading up to the exams. I was able to finish up just in time for one of my best friends to fly in for my birthday weekend. We did what we do best...eat lots of good food! We also went out and experienced Columbia's nightlife for the first time, which was actually really fun! I always have fun with Susie, and it was really nice to have her here for a few days. Two days after she left, my dad and sister flew down for a few days. We did a lot of exploring in the area. It made me appreciate living in Columbia/South Carolina a lot more (and not just because of the weather, which is beautiful btw). We discovered this BEAUTIFUL riverwalk that is right by my apartment that I think I will try to go to at least once a week. We also went down to Charleston and saw that gorgeous city. While we were down in Charleston, we went to Ft. Sumter. Now I'm not a big fan of history stuff, but I must say it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. It gave me some insight into the history of South Carolina, and some insight into the typical South Carolinian's mind. I would recommend it if you're in the area because it's cheap, interesting, and you get to take a ferry boat out to the Fort. Oh and I saw dolphins while on the ferry boat (It was my first time seeing dolphins in the 'wild')!!!
It's going to be weird not having visitors here with me...I just have to wait until Thanksgiving though because that is when Meagan is visiting!!!

Enjoy your day/upcoming week!

Its been a while...

So its been a hot minute or so since I last posted. Sorry for the hiatus...things have been a little stressful these past couple weeks. About two weeks ago (Sunday September 27) my dad called to tell me that my grandma had been taken to the emergency room because she was unresponsive and they couldn't get her blood pressure up. She actually had had a heart attack sometime Saturday night; she also had a UTI that wasn't responding to antibiotics that she'd been fighting for the last month or so. That infection had spread to her blood, and she became septic. The doctors told my dad that she wasn't going to make it, so he then told me I should get back to Indiana. This was all really difficult for me because I'm 10 hours away from my family, and I just wanted to be able to be say good-bye and be there for my family.
Luckily I got a flight out early the next morning, and I was picked up at the airport by my brother and sister-in-law. When I got there I was told we had to hurry because the doctors didn't think she was going to make it to the time I got there. She held on though, and the doctors took her off of the medicine that was keeping her blood pressure up. We all said our good-byes, and then came the hard part...the waiting. We had been told by many different people at the hospital that it wouldn't be long. Well my grandma was a very strong lady, and she proved them all wrong by holding on for an additional 4 more days. My dad, sister, and I had been sleeping at the hospital because we didn't want her to be alone. We were by her side when she passed away early Thursday morning. I know she's in Heaven with Jesus and the rest of our family that has gone before her.
Most of the staff at Hancock Regional Hospital were very kind, friendly, and helpful to us which was much appreciated. I also can't be thankful enough for our friends and family who were there for us, in person or in prayer. One of my former ministers was at the hospital for a couple days with us, and I'm so greatful. He was there for us when my mom passed away also, so it was nice to have him there with us again during our time of need.
It's been a struggle for me over the past couple weeks, not only grieving for my grandma, but it also brought up a lot of stuff from when my mom died. I was also stressing a lot because I missed over a week of classes, and I'm really having a difficult time getting caught back up (I'm trying to give myself more credit though because I've only been back for a few days). I know that I can get through this though, I just might have to remind myself from time to time!

Dancing Baby

This made my day!

10 Annoying Text Habits to Avoid

Thank you Cosmopolitan for publishing this list! I'm sure a lot of people think these things, so it's nice to finally have it in writing. For the record, #3 is rather high up on my list of pet peeves, and #2 is on the list somewhere after it!!


10 Annoying Text Habits to Avoid

#1. The Mass Text

It's Friday night, you're at home on the couch, and you get a text that goes something like this: "What are you getting into tonight?" You know for a fact that this very same text just went out to 20 other people at exactly the same time, and that the sender is just waiting to receive all his/her options before deciding what to do. So what if the only thing you have planned for the night is that lame (but sooo good) Lifetime movie at 11? You refuse to hang out with someone unless they make specific plans to hang out with you. You know how you can block those newsletters that you never signed up for by sending an email with "unsubscribe" in the body? We suggest doing the same thing in a reply-text.

#2. The Texting Cult

There is always at least one point in the night -- a lull in the conversation, a pause between thoughts -- when it gets really quiet, and you look around and realize that all your friends are busy texting. One person pulls out her iPhone while everyone else is looking at the dinner bill, and then someone else starts doing it, and before you know it, you're in the middle of the sacred circle of text. Resist the urge to choose some random person in your contacts to send a useless message to. Instead, pull out your phone and send a text to everyone at the table asking, "Should we order something else?" It will make everyone laugh but also point out the silliness of the situation.

#3. The Double Message

Of course you screen calls. Everyone does. Sometimes you're in the middle of something and sometimes you just don't feel like talking. But your phone is still working, and you see the missed call and the voice message alert. So why -- why?! -- do certain people feel the need to send a text letting you know that they just left a message? Don't they realize that if someone is smart enough to read a text, they're also capable of understanding what the little bobble head with the sound waves coming out of him symbolizes? Text back, "What's next, a carrier pigeon?"

#4: The Texting Tease

You're seeing a really cute/smart/funny/cool new guy, and your heart skips a tiny beat every time you get a text from him. In the middle of the week, you get one asking what you're up to this weekend. Assuming he wants to do something together, you let him know that it's looking pretty relaxed so far. Does he then proceed to make a plan with you? No. He responds, "Oh OK, cool." You stand there with a perplexed look on your face. Respond "Yeah, but call my secretary if you want to schedule something." This way, the ball is in his court, but ultimately you're the one who is in charge, thanks to your confident attitude.

#5. The Bulk Texter

An example of what a series of texts from this person might look like:

1. Hey!
2. What's up?
3. What are you doing tonight?
4. Some of us are going to Cool People Club tonight.
5. Around 10
6. It's gonna be me and Chris
7. Are you coming?
8. Let us know
9. Byeee!
10. lolz

An example of what that exchange should look like:

Text 1: Hey, Chris and I are going to Cool People Bar around 10 tonight. Let us know if you wanna come.

An example of what you could text back:

1. Please
2. never
3. text
4. me
5. this
6. way
7. again.(one minute pause)
8. For "realz."

6. The Bored Texter

You've just finished a sufficiently long and entertaining texting exchange with someone, and now you're ready to put your phone down for a little while. But your phone dings, and it's another text from said person. It looks like this: "Soooo..." Or, "What upppp." Or, "la la la..." Clearly, they have nothing else to say and just want something to do. Send a text saying, "Running, watching movies, reading books, baking." Your buddy will get the point that some people actually have a life.

7. The Show-and-Teller

Love is wonderful. We're huge advocates of love and being in love and enjoying that love. People gushing on and on about their amazing love life? Not so much. Not only do you have to listen to them tell every insignificant story about how cute it was that their boyfriends ate pancakes for dinner and woke up with a funny hairdo, but you also have to read all of their SUPER-cute texts. "Guys, look what he wrote to me! Omg look at what he said now! Haha aww, look at this one!!" The cure? A dose of their own medicine. "Hey, look what my mom said about her gallbladder! Omg you won't believe how I'm planning to organize my sock drawer! Aww, my dog is wagging his tail. Oh, he's doing it again!!"

8. The Goobers-and-Popcorn Texter

The previews are over, you've been waiting to see this movie for weeks, and here you finally are, snacks in hand. But the guy in front of you insists on ruining your experience by texting for the entire 96 minutes. Here's a little secret he doesn't know: EVERYONE sees his phone lighting up. And hears it vibrating violently every two minutes. When the lights come up at the end of the flick, call up a friend and loudly discuss how rude the guy texting throughout the entire movie was. Then get ready to start running.

9. The Lingering K

This one is especially aggravating if you're not on an unlimited texting plan. You get a message asking how your day went or if you'll be free at a certain time, so you send back a detailed and informative reply. Your phone dings again. You open the message and it says..."k." Do people not even have the decency to include the o? The offender doesn't even need to reply to the message. But if they feel the need to, could they not at least drum up something a little more personal/creative/not totally unnecessary? Respond by letting them know how much, to the cent, they owe you for superfluous texts the next time you're together. Then hold your palm out expectantly.

10. The Needs-to-Grow-Up Texter

Guys should never, ever get comfortable with using text slang and abbreviations. Whether he's a friend, date, or boyfriend, no girl wants to associate the men in their lives with tween-speak. The next time he sends you a "TTY L8ER" or "C U 2morrow," tell him that he should really consider an iPhone, BlackBerry, Sidekick, or "anything that gives you more room to text." He'll realize how outdated his text-talk is.

My New Place for the Week

My new place for this past week was Williams-Brice Stadium, the home of the South Carolina Gamecocks football team. It was very exciting, and I had such a good time!

Apparently I have been oblivious to college football outside of the Big 10 because I was missing out on a whole other world down here!

Williams-Brice is the 20th largest football stadium in the NCAA with its record capacity being around 85,000 (I think; I'm no Gamecocks history buff).


These are the seats in the south stands. I guess I should throw a disclaimer out there...I'm kind of guessing on some of the terminology. I tried my best to pick up on the Williams-Brice "slang" from my roommate and the others around me, but I could've gotten some of it wrong!

Those are the seats in the upper level in the east stands. I am still amazed by how steep the upper level seats are! You can't even really see them in this picture because they're so steep. I just kept thinking how I was glad I wasn't sitting up there so I wouldn't tumble down to my doom!

Way over yonder is the student section. I wish I could've had the full experience of sitting there for my first game, but for some reason I'm having some difficulties with accessing my student tickets (which are "free" btw).

My Gamecock football experience wouldn't have been complete without these two. The girl on the left is my roommate Crystal and the guy on the other side of me is her little brother.
All in all, I had a pretty splendid time. I still bleed black and gold, but I think I might be able to make some room for garnett and black too.

Waking Up Is The Hardest Part

For those of you that don't know, my mom died about 5 years ago. I have dreams about her occasionally, and I have very mixed feelings about those dreams. This morning I had a dream about her; I don't really remember a lot of the details except that we were looking at pictures of the two of us (which there aren't a lot of because she was always the one taking the pictures) from when I was younger. While I love getting the chance to see her face again and feel like I'm getting to spend time with her again, I also hate it at the same time. I hate waking up! When I wake up in the middle of one of those dreams I get so mad, and I just want to go back to sleep so I can see her face and be with her again. I so desperately try to remember every single detail of the dream, and it upsets me even more when I can't. I want to remember every single detail because as time passes my memory of my mom fades little by little and I hate that the most! I will never forget the things my mom did for me, the way she loved me unconditionally with all her heart, the things she did for others, etc. but it's the little things in my memory that fade like her smell and the sound her voice. Those things I think are looked over because who really thinks that they will forget the way their own mom's voice sounded? I wish there was a way to preserve memories in our brain...make it so there was no possible way you could forget. They say we only use approx. 10% of our brain...so why not use the other 90% as a permanent storage facility that is impenetrable by time or other memories, and we can access it whenever we want with no worries of any part of the memory being erased.
I just wish I wouldn't have to rely on dreams to see her; I, like a lot of people who have lost a loved one, wish she wouldn't have had to die in the first place.

It will heal...at least I sure hope it will

"Here’s to all those girls who used to be his number one.
(And partly to All The Guys Who Should Know Better)"
^That was the title of this when I found it, but I think the better title would be "Here's to all those girls who wish he would see us as his number one"

The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check your cellphone the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, “I only want to be your friend”, one day, then listened to him say that he loves and misses you, and the next when he doesn’t want to be anything at all. Here’s to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.

We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, got crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him even for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here’s to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here’s for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn’t possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn’t treat us the way we should be treated.

Here’s for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest everything, only to hear him say that he couldn’t see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn’t believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn’t bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder “what if”.

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us.
When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn’t mean it.
This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.

This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that “You’re just not the one for me.” or maybe, “things were going too fast, I’m just not ready.” (Then later on find out he has a damn girlfriend already.)

Here’s to the girls who couldn’t cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.
The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn’t bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an “I told you so.”
The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here’s for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them.

Here’s for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart … again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.
Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it’s better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.

Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.
When your song comes on the radio, turn the station.

When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off.
When he tries coming to your house, don’t answer the door.

Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was.
Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn’t him, and realized that once again, he hadn’t called when he said he was going to.

One day, you’ll find a guy who’s worth all the tears, but he won’t make you cry. You may think that you’ll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will.

It’s gonna hurt like hell, and it’s going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.


After I read the first paragraph of this, I felt like whoever wrote this had hacked their way into my brain and heart. Everything written in that unfortunately rang true to me. As I was reading it, I felt like I was reliving my relationship with Drake*. I'm still not 100% sure that I'm at the point where I fully realize that I really do deserve better. I still deal with the random "I miss you" and "I love you" calls. I know it's the same thing every time, but I still can't help but to think "maybe he really has changed" or "maybe it really it is different this time". I still have a really hard time talking about him or the fact that he still randomly calls me for the simple fact that I'm embarrassed/ashamed. I know that it is stupid of me to waste my time and yet I can't help but feel my heart skip a beat whenever I get those calls from him.

*Name has been changed to protect the not so innocent.

New Findings

Moving to a new place where I don't know a soul has been scary for me. To try and give myself more confidence and to get to know the area better I decided to go to at least one new place a week. The past couple weeks I feel like I've been taking the easy way out by going to the library, a new grocery store, you know places like that. This week was definitely something new and different, and I had a blast!

There is an upstate Purdue Alumni Association here which I recently joined along with a fellow Boilermaker who just moved down to South Carolina. The PAA volunteered at a jazz festival (which apparently happens once a week). It's a free event that happens in downtown Greenville (which I love and wish that I lived there instead of where I do live!)and all the proceeds go to a nonprofit organization. We were collecting tips to go towards annual scholarships the club gives out. The only thing you have to pay for at the festival is food, drink, and/or a wristband if you want to be able to drink alcohol. The band they had was great and the food and drinks were nowhere near over priced. I was in the beer trailer and I got the chance to work on perfecting the art of pouring beer. It was a lot of fun telling the beer purchasing patrons about Purdue and hearing their comments (some were hilarious, some were encouraging, and others were just plain mean! i.e. "f*ck the boilers"). Afterwords Jess and I, along with her brother and his g/f, went to a local bar there. The bar was free to get into for the ladies, and they had outdoor seating with a live band...not too shabby! We only got to hear the band play one song...Enter Sandman, but then the bar played songs such as Secret Lovers and Sexual Healing :)
I had such a great time, but it made me really miss having friends or even just people I know around me. Here's to hoping I make more friends soon!

I gotta feeling...

I love this video! First of all, I'm absolutely in love with this song; Secondly, I felt like I was watching something that should be happening in a movie! I wish I could've been in Chicago to either a) see it happen or b) be a part of the fabulous people dancing.

PS-I've tried like 4 times to get the video smaller, and I was unsuccessful (obviously).

Eye Opener

Can I just say that I had an absolutely amazing Labor Day weekend?? There were a lot of last minute changes in plans in many different ways, but I am really really glad things worked out the way that they did.
I felt like a real grown-up for a lot of the parts of the weekend. I was really nervous about flying out of Columbia...a) had no clue where the airport was b) I was taking myself to and from the airport and parking in long term parking for the first time c) I'm not a big fan of small airports and let me tell you...Columbia is a pretty small one. Rest assured, I found the airport (which is only 10 minutes away, note to self for next time) and everything went smoothly. I was greeted at the airport by the lovely Meredith and then we were off to stay at my new friend Becca's house! We got to eat some life changing cake compliments of Becca's mom...and wow, my life definitely changed!!! I'm not even really a cake eater, but this cake was delicious and I could definitely go for some more right now! The next day we traveled up to Fort Weezy for Alyssa and Rob's wedding which was beautiful in every single way, with the bride being the most beautiful of course =)

My Ft. Weezy travel pals and I with the beautiful bride

Sunday was a huge reunion for me. My dad and I went to dinner with a family we used to be really close with. I hadn't seen them in such a long time, and man do I miss them. I'm pretty much guaranteed a gigantic laugh fest whenever we get together, and this time was no exception.Here's Kate crawling under the table so that she wouldn't have to make people get up to let her get out. This is a prime example of why I love her :)

After I got home, I ventured over to my adopted family's house for the usual holiday weekend festivities. I am so glad that the Dants moved across the street 13ish years ago. I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like without them.

This weekend really opened my eyes up. I just felt so at home and welcome at my friend's places and with my friends. My family is no where near perfect (not that any family is) but this weekend I felt like I was a burden to them. I felt like it was my fault that there were so many hassles for them and their mini-vacay. Being around my friends and their families made me even more aware of this. I realized that parents/families actually show that they miss their kids when they're away and want to spend time with them. I didn't even feel like my family wanted to see me. I'm sure if they read this, they'd get mad or say I'm crazy or something. They just don't/didn't really show it if they did miss me or wanted to spend time with me. It's not like this is a new thing but it really became apparent this weekend to me.

But like I said earlier, I'm really happy with the way things worked out. I couldn't imagine a better Labor Day weekend! Except for maybe next year's :)

Fresh Start...New Beginnings

So I'm going to give blogging another shot. I think I got discouraged my last round of blogging because I felt like I was the only one reading it. Who knows, maybe I will be this round too but now it doesn't really matter to me. I'm really good at talking about things and my emotions, but I'm not so good at actually showing my emotions. I'm hoping this blog will help me to express my true emotions.
So about 2 and a half weeks ago I packed up my stuff and moved down to South Carolina. I thought that once I got down here, everything would just fall into place and my life would just make sense...The move itself, to my surprise, went really well. I was so glad that my dad and his girlfriend were able to go with me and help out as much as they did. Up until that point, I'd been pretty calm about uprooting myself and hadn't really gotten emotional; after they left for good a wave of sadness went over me. I just felt 100% alone in the world. I really miss my friends and family. I know I haven't been here for very long so I really am trying to give myself time to adjust to this new setting. I'm also frustrated because I don't have a job yet. This is the longest I've been without having a job in like 7 or 8 years, and it's killing me. I have an interview next week and a job I just applied for that I really really want; so I'm praying that something will work out. In other news, grad school is not what I expected. I still feel like I'm in undergrad except that I'm not at Purdue :( I thought that once you were in grad school, you wouldn't have to do any general theory introduction; I thought that information is stuff you already learned or should have learned at least. Switching topics, I've been looking for a church to get involved with since I've been here, and none of the ones I've been looking into feel like the right fit. This is really discouraging me. I had really been growing in my faith and I just keep waiting for that sign/signal from God telling me that this is THE church for me. I feel like I'm at a plateau (if that's even possible in this subject) right now.